On Friends & Loyalty

Note to my future self..

Today I think I learned a very important lesson on loyalty. Today I had a call with a friend where I asked him for a favor that wouldn’t cost virtually anything in terms of time or resources and it would have virtually no downside for him. After stalling for a bit today he told that he couldn’t do it because of the inherent risk that he would be taking AND because there was no upside for him.

Although the favor itself was not that important and someone else was able to help me, it definitely opened my eyes to how he viewed our relationship. I thought that this person was one of my best friends. He was the only friend from childhood that came to college graduation, we’ve spent countless weekends together and I see his dad as a second father.

Furthermore, I’ve been one of the few friends that stood by him after he had a major incident in his life about a year ago. Most of his friends from college abandoned him because of the optics but I didn’t. There was a ton of real “risk” in hanging out with him, bringing to my graduation, etc. There was no “upside” for me other than preserving our friendship. However, I trusted him and I stood by his side. Reading over this last two paragraphs makes me sound petty af but I just want to vent and explain where I am coming from with this.

In any case, I think that with today’s call I understood that I really couldn’t count on him in the way I thought I could. The hardest thing will be to calibrate this experience with everything else so that I can keep a relationship with him. Nevertheless, it will be hard. I feel that this was a clear moment for him to step up and he didn’t. To me it seams like a moment of weakness. I understand that he probably views it differently but frankly I don’t care. As long as no one is getting hurt, loyalty in friendships is paramount.