I Feel Lost

Today I feel lost. I don’t know exactly what to do. I just received news that I might not have a job in a couple of weeks due to budget cuts. I am on a student visa and I have no plan to fallback on. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. I am writing this because I just can’t do anything else right now. I feel the anxiety creeping in and it just makes me feel sad.

I know things will end up working out because they always do but right now I can’t see it. I feel scared and I feel vulnerable. I see my friends doing really well and I can’t seem to figure it out. I know what I want to do and I feel that I am working hard but I am just not seeing the results I need. Maybe I need to work harder. I know I am good enough but during moments I question myself even if it’s for a split of a second.

I hate being afraid. I hate that my emotional stability is dependent on what someone else says. I hate it and I know that this is what will fuel me to do better. To be in control of my own destiny. In moments like this I need to keep telling myself that I can do this. I can’t give up. Not now. Not ever.