Note to future self…
For a while now I’ve been trying to write this post but I hadn’t found the right entry point for it. I recently came across a tweet that does just that:
This is precisely what I should do more. I have to hunt the dark corners of my mind and face them directly. This is not necessarily referring to facing your fears although there’s certainly some of that.
Hunting the dark corners of your mind refers to understanding those super low-level processes and actions that drive my behavior but I rarely question or even surface. Bringing those into my consciousness should help me (hopefully) learn more about myself.
Facing your monsters is particularly hard because it’s such an unintuitive thing to do. Your ego wants to protect you. Literally anything else is easier to do. Yet still we must!
Takeaway: What are my monsters?
I think that my current monsters are:
- Need for social approval: I think I still seek the approval of others to a certain degree.
- Need for “making it”: a lot of my ego is attached to this seemingly unquenchable thirst for “hitting it big”.
- Food anxiety: I still eat a lot when I am anxious and this is a problem. I need to improve this relationship internally.
- Need for intimacy: this is closely related to #1 but it’s much much weaker.
Now back to work…
Face your monsters. Look at them closely. Observe them from different angles. Ask questions. Why does it exist? Where is it coming from? What is it feeding on? This is the ONLY way to deal with them permanently.